Friday, August 13, 2010

One Malaysia

In conjunction with Merdeka month, here's some very racist jokes.

1) How the 3 races buy a car...
Chinese will ask: Boss ah, resale value good anot?
Malay will ask: Encik, minyak dia satu tank bape ringgit?
Indians will ask: Inche, ini kereta brapa orang buleh masuk?

2) In Malaysia ...
If you're not lazy, you're not Malay,
If you're not greedy, you're not Chinese,
If you don't get drunk every night, you're not Indian~~~

3) What does CIMB bank stand for?
Cina India Melayu Bank

4) When Hari Raya comes close to Chinese New Year, they call it 'Kongsi Raya'
When Hari Raya comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Deeparaya'
When Chinese New Year comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Kongsi Gelap'

5) Q : Why cant the indians win the world cup?
A: Every time they get a corner,they set up a mamak stall. 

6) Dating Malay, Chinese, and Indian chicks.
Malay girl
1st date: You get to hold hands
2nd date: You get a goodbye kiss.
3rd date: You both get caught by JAIS. 

Chinese girl

1st date: You take her to a restaurant.
2nd date: You take her to an expensive restaurant.
3rd date: You take her to a very expensive restaurant and buy her a diamond necklace. You get to hold her hand later that night.
Indian girl
1st date: You meet her parents.
2nd date: She meets your parents.
3rd date: Wedding night.

7) One day a chinese, malay, and indian guy died and went to heaven. The guardian of heavens gates said that heaven was overpopulated and he can only let a person in if they are truly and purely holy.To determine whether they are holy enuf or not they had to climb the "100 stairs of dirty jokes" where at every step an angel will appear and tell them a dirty joke. If they can climb the stairs without laughing at any of the jokes they would be able to enter heaven.
So the chinese guy started first....on the 3rd step he laughed and *BOOM* was sent to hell.
2nd the indian guy went......on the 40th step he laughed so loud he craped his pants *BOOM* he was sent to hell
Finally it was the malay guys' turn....he climbed climbed and climbed without laughing at any of the jokes...amazingly he made it to the 99th step!! 1 more to go and he would make it to heaven. BUT as he was going to climb the final step he laughed out loud and *BOOM* was send to hell
The Chinese and indian guy in hell were confused and asked him why did he laugh!! he was so close to getting into heaven
The malay guy said :" i finally understood the first joke"

8) One day, two Chinamen got into a lift from the 20th storey of a building and wanted to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial , they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and really had no idea what does the letter G mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Beng was so impressed and asked the first Ah Beng, "Wow, how you know wan?"
The first Ah Beng replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."

9)Chinese "practice" for Simple Living :
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary
Malays "practice" to Simple Living:
5 - Five Children
4 - Two Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House

10)Q: What do you call a self-made SIKH Businessman?
A : EnterpriSINGH

Q: What do you call a A paralegal Sikh....
A: ConveyanSINGH

11)An Old Imam
An old kampung imam had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.
1. The Holy Quran.
2. A fifty ringgit note.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. And a Playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door," the old imam said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."
"If it's the holy book, he's going to be an Imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room..
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and placed it under his arm. He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.

"God have mercy," the old imam disgustedly whispered. "He's going to be a Politician!"

1 comment:

Charlene.G @ 雪琳 said...

Haha.. Good one!!

but but but.. Racist ar you!! xD